beautiful girl, lovely dress
high school smile, oh yes
beautiful girl, lovely dress
where she is now i can only guess
'cause it's gone daddy gone
the love is gone
the love is gone away
-gone daddy, gone by the violent femmes

so this is how it feels.
(she's really done it this time, gone and thrown all her things onto the floor)
yes. this is going to hurt, more than we intended.

focus. smile, dammit.

we know where the salad dressing came from...

oh sarah. birthday twins are especially special.
school tomorrow. i don't have to take trig. i have three art classes. and gym.
(i don't know if i can handle it. sounds tough)

the house is quiet tonight. john stopped by, and that was awkward.
i hate it when i feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

i am making a memory book out of an old book. it's super fly. i am totally gifted.
(in a special way)

but, as i was saying: no worries sarah. tomorrow will be an adventure.

i got all worked up over nothing and made myself ill.
there was nothing happening and i put to much emotion into the whole thing.
i am dissapointed in myself.

feeling so worn thin.
i oughtn't fell like this
(these are the happiest days of your life)
it isn't like me to act this way.

i need love.

punch you in the face with my lips...

it's a soul type of day. jazz carrying over to the other aspects of the day.
(mother rounded out the day by shouting first and last thing)

celebrated last night. celebrated in my dreams while the sleep washed over me, dictated my consciousness for a long while. maybe i said something i didn't mean? maybe he meant something he didn't say... faces are set and glazed in chocolate sweetness.

(broken lines)

i remember his monochromatic-emotion grey, and something radiating from his eyes. of course, there was the desire for velvet kisses.

missing in action/action missing in action

skin smelling clean and delicious, i remember this foever, i also remember how we decided we were better than everyone else we'd ever encountered.

i think i've fallen out of love... sometimes, you do that and it surprises all parties involved. (how can he carry my mind away so? how is it that i can become so involved in this litle game? is there really any substance to it?)

move on, girl. please move on.

piano rhythm diversion assaulting the geography of passion. also, there is maddness. hips to love by, to hold and guide between fingers. tousseled hair, empirical miles. six thousand happinesses. secret happinesses, are they real? can we wrap our silences around them and project them from our hearts?

the rainbow of your september happinesses, is that all there is? perhaps. thinking again of the graduate. the sensations are again breezing along. the words we speak in scentless corridors wait to be launched forward. the witty poetic exchanges transforming hearts and souls remind me of the way you can make my esophagus a veritable playground.

i am becoming a domestic little thing.

we talked about "an ode to a grecian urn," and it's true, then. that frozen moment of agony is hell. pure torture, and again we are left holding the beats of our hearts in our throats.

eyelashes are still highly significant.

harmonies remind me of the taste of summer. our bare toes dipped into the crystalline blue of the water and only we knew what was happening. i loved you more than anything else at that particular moment. my love is unfaithful and it is fleesting to and fro. i have loved the grass and the feathers and the sound of high heels clacking, smacking along concrete. i have loved countless individuals and their intimate gestures, their frailty and exposure.

tiny explosions of love.

you make me happy. ginger revives the lovely sensation of our radiant kisses. (sometimes i wish i were kissing always) nights of love and laughter... there isn't anything else, is there?

man alive! i got into northern michigan university, and i am proud to announce i will be entering in as a photography major!

i went home today to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch and as I sorted through the mail, the envelope stuck out. I opened it, and it said "congratulations!" it was nice.
now my mom is really happy that i will go to college, so happy in fact, that she cried. i guess i'm happy too because now the pressure is off, and i can sort of enjoy the rest of this year.

(not to say that i haven't been enjoying it for a little while, at least... it hasn't been all bad. i've fallen out of that funk of depression, into some other sort of funk where i'm only happy not to be unhappy, so i guess the cosmic function has worked itself out in the end.)

yesterday was also a lot of fun. molly's mom made us a big irish meal and then we all watched waking ned devine. i must confess, i've never celebrated st. patrick's day before, but i'm a fan. next time, we're kidnapping molly and taking her out for a night on the town. (come to think of it, i should take mallory and molly out to buca's, on me.)

also, the new ice cream is available for ordering. (not of course, that any of you who actually read this live within a close proximityof my house/ have any money, but why the hell not, right?) they will be made fresh after an order is placed, so look forward to that. the ice cream will be sold in chinese takeout pints, and will be priced between 3 and 5 dollars, but don't quote me on that yet.

pardon me, i think i shall go jump for joy.

"Love is love, and fun is fun, but it is always so quiet when the goldfish die." -Ernest Hemmingway
that is the truth.

in other news: i must begin to write more frequently. i shall begin tonight.

[let's get over each other so we can fall in love again]

this is a weekend that shall live forever in infamy. mallory, molly and i are taking the ice cream selling world by storm.

you win, mallory. you have stolen my heart...
///she said to me last night that she felt like a corrupt santa, jug of wine concealed casually in tiny knapsack///
driving in the car down dark country roads singing at the tops of our lungs for the sake of happiness. we went on a quest for crackers.

i am a mix taper!




How indie are you? test by ridethefader

You're really enthusiastic about the music that you like. You attempt to discover your new favourite
band every week. You continually try to get your friends into the music you like, which annoys the fuck
out of them, but you don't know it. At least you're not arrogant about it.

haven't you noticed it's awkward?
i miss you.
i love him. not you. or you.

sometimes, i want to be just like everyone else with their pretend perfect lives and skeletons miles wide in closets full of designer clothes worn only once (for a few hours at a time) and then forgotten.
i want my electronic alter-ego and my outstanding looks to take me everywhere i could ever want to be.
is that a contradiction? oh well.
the point is i am alien to my comfort zone. i am comfortless, this is not taking it to an extreme.
this is an honest truth.
i feel like people only want me around when it is convenient in a practical sense, i.e. when they need something done that they are unable to do themselves.
this is my constant dichotomy of love and hate.
(i hide the other part away for those who i feel attempt to actually be honest... )
who knew that such a trait would ever be so hard to come by?
i may not be as thin or beautiful as the others, but i cannot help that.
i may say things that seem rude, but i am only trying to be honest,
satiate my own conscious.
someone, please tell me if i'm wrong?

this is what my logic has been reduced to.
stop.

the postal service is haunting me. i'm hearing things on so many levels. feeling things on so many levels. feeling lackluster ambienized underneath sheets olf baseless plastic love

the sun shines and leaves blow and my hope like autumn is turning brown. but i know it seems like i'm always falling down. but it does not matter to me, although it seems like it should. it's because i know i'm understood when i hear him say "rest in me little daivd and dry all your tears. you can lay down your armor and have no fear, cause i'm always here when you're tired of running. i'm all the strength that you'll need." it's up hill both ways, tomorrow i swear i won't act this way. but i know it seems like that is what i always say. but it does not matter to me, although it seems like it should. it's because i know i'm understood when i hear him say "rest in me little david and dry all your tears. you can lay down your armor and have no fear, cause i'm always here when you're tired of running. i'm all the strenght that you need." you know i want to be like jesus, but it seems so very far away when will i learn to obey, obey?
pedro the lion


last night i stayed up incredibly late and addressed letters to 23 complete strangers. also, i spoke to drew, who is the single most adorable thing that can happen to a girl when she's half asleep. i sent him a secret package, hope he likes it.
friday is cranium day in homegroup. i am so excited, and i can't figure out why. i only wish i were the proud owner of apples to apples. (dixie and norah and i should have a drunken go at it. wouldn't that be the most?) sigh. school dragged itself along today, work and tutoring followed suite. but now i'm home.
the bosses at work today promised to write me letters of defense against the admission nazis at marquette. i'm going to get into that school god damn it!
positive thought: alex sent me a copy of his first edition. it's lovely. i love zines. they get me right here (<3) yep. somebody else gets me right there too, but nobody knows but me. tee hee, crushes are so sweet, even though i know there is no way in hell that it would ever come to be. still, it's fun to imagine, right?
on another note, i have been having recurring sensations known as feelings. they are truly amazing. i feel like i don't have anyone to share them with though, and that's becoming a complication in and of itself. to let someone in on something like that, you have to trust them with all of your heart and soul.
is trust a feeling or a thought?
sigh. damn it. responsibility is killing me.
die responsibility, die.